So yesterday, I turned 40. I couldn’t for the life of me find anything profound to say all day about that, but I think I needed the day to process it introspectively first. I wouldn’t say I was “dreading” it, but I was full of mixed emotions, and I definitely spent a lot of time thinking about how much has changed over the past 10 years. There’s something about a milestone birthday that makes you really reflect on how much you’ve learned and changed and grown as a person over time. I think I expected to wish I was back at 30, but I don’t. 30 was great, but my 30 year old self had quite a decade ahead of her and a lot to learn. My 40 year old self is forever grateful for her 30s and all they taught her, but is happier to be right where she is. Our walks through life are all different, and maybe none of this jives with your experience, but I know that when I share with others, I always find someone out there with a “me too” to make the experience a little easier for us both.
5 Things that are Better at 40:
- I have let go of expectations for how my life is “supposed” to go. When I was 30, I lived life within a box I’d drawn around it. I expected my life to always fit within that box and happen according to MY plan…I would be a 3rd grade teacher forever, I would get married and have a perfect little family of 4; 1 boy & 1 girl; and we would all dress alike for holidays, we would buy a house in PA and live in it forever, we would live happily ever after…we would…we would…it goes on. But here I am doing things SO far out of that box I drew. So much life has happened that was unexpected, some amazing beyond my wildest dreams and some so challenging I feared I didn’t have the strength to walk through it. Some took so much more work than I thought it would. I’ve learned over the past ten years that it is God who has a plan for my life, and it is SO much bigger than that box. God knew I was meant to be a boymom. He knew that noise and dirt and chaos would teach me to let go of perfect. (And do y’all know how hard it is to get 2 boys and a husband to wear matching anything?) He knew that I was meant to try new things, accept new challenges, and find my strength. And while it still rattles me when things happen that aren’t in line with what I had imagined, I am much more inclined to step back, adjust my sails, weather a storm, courageously take a leap, or embrace change. I have also found myself more qualified in helping others do the same.
- I have stopped searching for my purpose and started living purposefully. I used to think I had one purpose. I thought it was to be a teacher forever. I now have come to believe that I was both right and wrong. It was a difficult decision for me to walk away from classroom teaching, and for a long time, it left me feeling a little bit lost, like I had given up a piece of my identity. But as I’ve been led to teach in different capacities and in much different “classrooms”, I’ve realized that we do not have just one purpose. We have many purposes. Sometimes my purpose is as big as walking a young couple with a baby on the way through the overwhelming process of buying their first home. Sometimes my purpose is as small as sitting beside my 9 year old at the kitchen counter while he finishes his report on turtles for school. My perspective has changed. My purpose is to serve the people right in front of me, and I trust that those whose paths cross mine are those I am meant to serve. Sometimes this idea that my purpose in this life is ever evolving is overwhelming and feels a little nebulous, but it’s always exciting and invigorating to know that life throws you curve balls every day and new opportunities are always presenting themselves when you least expect it. This new outlook keeps me more open minded and more grounded.
- I make my health a priority. At 30, I ate whatever I wanted without much thought about proper nutrition. I thought eating healthy was salad and plain chicken. I didn’t exercise. I took my pre-baby body for granted. But 30 was the year my first baby was born, and 10 years and 2 babies and big changes to my body and metabolism guided me to search for the knowledge I didn’t have about how to fuel my body properly and fit exercise into my life. I vividly remember trying on dress after dress for a black tie Christmas party and just dissolving into tears because nothing looked right or fit. Sure, this choice started out as one of vanity…I wanted to look better. But it quickly evolved into a journey of self discovery, strength, and slowly but surely letting go of the limits I have placed on myself in the past. Health & fitness is not something I ever saw myself getting into, but the more I made it a habit, the more I realized how much the benefits spilled over into every area of my life. Making health and fitness a consistent part of my life was hard, but it has enabled me…empowered me… to do so many more hard things.
- I drink a whole lot less wine. When I was 30, I definitely was an all in subscriber to wine culture. I was a new mom, I was a teacher, I was tired/stressed/emotional/celebrating/drowning/toasting/numbing…who knows, but there was always a reason. I hit the wine store at least once a week, sometimes twice. As soon as it got dark, I craved a glass, which usually ended up being 2, sometimes 3. I talked about it all the time and I thought I “needed” it. And it seemed fine at the time, because so did all of my friends. I can’t imagine the brain fog, low energy, and nonexistent patience I must have been living with, but it became my everyday way of life. There came a point in my health journey where I drew a line in the sand and stopped having it in the house. It was hard at first…really hard. But the longer I went without it, the less I craved it and the more I grew to appreciate waking up each morning with a clear head, feeling refreshed and energized, with the patience to face whatever the day had in store. I still have a glass or two on special occasions, but now it’s a treat…not my every night ritual. I know I am better for it. I’m kinder to everyone I encounter throughout the day. I’m more patient with my children. I have more energy to give to the people I serve.
- I am much more self aware. I have learned a lot about myself in 10 years. I know what my strengths are, and I also know where I’m weak. I’m more willing to admit my shortcomings and more willing to work on the things I’d like to be better at. I also have become more accepting of the things I’m not good at, never will be, and never care to be…I’m alright with letting some things go. But I’m also very conscious of my people pleasing tendencies, and I’ve learned the dangers of those. I have definitely not “fixed” this, but awareness enables me to catch myself in the act and choose to overcome it more often. Back in the 8th grade, I struggled big time with friendships and would have done just about anything to fit in. I wonder a lot if that year fueled my need as an adult to seek approval from everyone for everything and my constant fear of disappointing others. My 30s definitely taught me to find my own voice, share my unpopular opinions when they matter, and love myself for who I am. I have become more willing to accept that some people just aren’t my people, so my energy is best spent loving those who are instead of convincing those who aren’t that they should be. I’m also more grateful for those who have become my tribe, because they accept me for who I am…the good and the bad. They are my safe space always, and I try to make sure they always know how much I need, love, and appreciate them. I work to set an example for so many other people of strength and self-confidence, but the two most important are the two little boys living in this house, and that is what inspires me to be a person I am proud of daily.
Honestly, I know it sounds cliche, but age is just a number, and I know that I am both healthier and happier at 40. I have plenty of things that I plan to work on and improve about myself in this next decade of my life, but I come from a place of empowerment. I know that anything is possible, I can do hard things, I WILL fail and hit roadblocks, and I will ALWAYS get back up. It’s funny how much gratitude you can find in taking a moment to step back and see a higher power at work in your life, appreciating everything you’ve walked through to arrive at where you are today.
Are you celebrating a milestone birthday this year? How did you feel when you turned 40? I would love to hear your thoughts.
